Love lost, Life gained....

I don't really write a lot on this blog.  I honestly don't have a lot to 'blog' about when it comes to my life.  I don't often have the time to sit down and recount my life experiences or write a summation of what has taken place with my life.

At least not always.  I feel like I'm too busy enjoying life or working to sit down and recount what has taken place.  That and I'm not really that interesting.  My life basically consists of 1) Wake up. 2) Shower, brush teeth, empty bladder etc. 3) Contemplate eating breakfast 4) Skip eating breakfast 5) Depending on the day....head to work or kill a little bit of time before work with household chores and getting things ready to go to work. 6) Actual work 7) Hoping I don't have to work 4 unexpected hours 8) Driving home to repeat the entire process back over again.

A fairly accurate portrayal of my daily life. Source

As you can see not really a lot of drama or crazy happenings to this old goat.

But here I am...sitting at work....bored out of my mind.  Looking for an outlet of sorts.  It's been a strange year since the last time I visited this writing space.  When we last saw our hero he was struggling with stuff related to me.  Since that time my girlfriend of almost 5 years decided that she couldn't handle dealing with all the things related to me (i.e. my lack of money situation due to child support and alimony.)

Waiting for something to happen.... Source

We had been together in a long distance relationship for a very long time.  SUPER long.  Longer than I think any reasonable individual would let them stay in a long distance relationship.  Mostly due to factors outside of our control.  I was getting a divorce from someone who was remarkably difficult to deal with.  She was in the military and overseas in a location that wasn't really feasible for me to live.  Then when she was stateside there was the issue of trying to find a job so that I could take care of my financial obligations related to my divorce.

In January of last year she had SERIOUS doubts about the viability of us working as a couple.  I, naively, thought that mutual love and caring for one another would help us overcome her fears and trepidation about how certain aspects of our relationship would work out (i.e. money issues...or lack of money for me.)  CLEARLY looking back at events and things throughout the relationship I should have more attentive and recognized warning signs along the way.  She had NO want to live in Florida (I was ok with this as long as we could potentially live a reasonable distance from FL.)  When we started talking about living together in MD...she used the phrase 'Roommates' to describe how things would be handled.

Just lots of things that through hindsight, seem like OBVIOUS reasons to call her dedication to our relationship into question.  Now before you get all 'whoa, whoa, whoa' on me...I do realize that pretty much anytime a relationship fails...there is normally equal blame shared.  However, after chatting with her post break up she told me:

but my problem wasn't your PROBLEMS.  it was the circumstances.  And i think with time, sure they can be changed, potentially, but I can see that being a struggle.

Circumstances.....

cir·cum·stance

>noun

1.  a fact or condition connected with or relevant to an event or action.
     "we wanted to marry but circumstances didn't permit"
2. one's state of financial or material welfare.
    "the artists are living in reduced circumstances"

They had pretty much been the same since day one.  Sans that when we met I was married.  But still I had kids....still was going to have to pay child support.  Those never changed.  And yet I'm to believe that is the sole reason why she fell out of love with me.  

What made the breakup hard is that in talking with her....she had given up MONTH'S earlier and had more or less been lying to my face each time I told her I loved her, or held her tightly or kissed her lips.  I know she denies it...but I'm quite sure now, that she had made the decision to move on LONG before she gave up and she just didn't have the strength needed to address things head on, which really hurts because we had prided ourselves on being open with communication and talking about all the hard and difficult things....I wish I knew what happened to that.....

So in my head things can and SHOULD be worked through when you are in a committed relationship with another person.  You are basically making an unspoken pact with that person to stand by them and struggle through all the things easy AND difficult.  It's the struggle that makes you the couple....not just the good times.  I thought she knew that...she told me she had.....I was gravely mistaken.

I see now the error of my judgement.... Source

Really I'm just a bitter pants that doesn't handle rejection well (it's the second time I've been dumped out of the blue.) and I want to be angry with her and at the same time get closure to everything that happened.  But I know that won't happen because I don't care enough to ever really seek it.....I've moved on with my life...as she has also done

JOIN US FOR OUR INTREPID ADVENTURE'S NEXT ADVENTURE WHERE HE EAT'S AT CARRABBA'S AND THROWS HIMSELF INTO INTERNET DATING.... 

Yea!  You tell 'em Jay and Silent Bob.... Source