When we last saw our fearless adventurer he'd just been heartbroken by a girl he had thought and planned to spend the rest of his days with. He was hurt and confused and driven 12+ hours straight through (stopping only for gas,) from MD to FL in order to NOT be in MD for a moment longer.
So I am newly returned to FL after leaving only 6 months prior. At this point....I start to get low. Like REALLY low. In my head I'm 33 years old, divorced and have three children to take care of...not exactly the hottest ticket for lots of single females. I'm also stuck dealing with the fact that something that had seemed SOOOOOO sure, turned out to be the exact opposite.
Of course in all this...I'm not trying to say that I made ALL the right choices. I did selfishly decide to quit my job (you know....the REASON I was waiting to go up to MD in the first place,) because it made me so UTTERLY miserable that I would go to work and not eat or drink anything for 12 hours. HORRIBLE. I've never had a job that I have hated THAT much before in my life.
But I digress...my lack of money and financial contribution was the ultimate reason for the break up. Either that or she had stopped loving me and was talking with her Ex, with whom she is now back in a relationship with despite her insistence that she doesn't do second chances.
I was back from MD....back with heartbreak and sad emotions. The room I'd had before I left for MD was packed to the gills with boxes and stuff that my parents couldn't find a home for. There was LITERALLY a path from the door to the bed. I couldn't even access the dresser or put clothes away.....I was a visitor in my own 'home'.
It was at this point I went full on Emo. Right on down to breaking out the Dashboard Confessional on my iTunes. There was lots of time during the next two weeks full of sobbing uncontrollably when I was alone at night. Lots of really dark and scary thoughts running through my head. It started to become a vicious circle of not wanting to be happy but being tired of feeling depressed.
Having been the 'victim' of unexpected breakup before, I had already had some experience of the types of thoughts and stuff that was going through my head. But at that time I was 20 and had my whole life ahead of me. This time around I was 33 and had my fair share of 'baggage' and things that made the future seem VERY obsolete to me.
So I sat there and on several occasions contemplated my own existence and recounted the reasons for why I should or should not live on this planet anymore.
So to recap....there was driving, sadness and Dashboard Confessional. Which brings me to an interesting nick name for the next time I feel sad and blue. Jumping ahead a bit....I met a lady. And during the course of talking with her about my breakup I decided to say that the next time I felt REALLY down...I wouldn't use the term depressed. Instead, since Dashboard Confessional was part of my music when I'm super sad post-break up (and because Chris Carrabba is the lead singer of the group.) We would just say I was "eating at Carrabba's" as the term for my sadness.
As I came to terms with my breakup (and by terms I mean that I would have to date again.) I quickly began to feel the anxiety attack build in my chest. I'm 33....I'm OLD! I don't know if I can/want to do the internet dating. I'm also very shy.....I have a hard time going out of my comfort zone with people I don't know. I don't like rejection.....so talking to someone out of the blue is also out of the question.
So where the heck can someone like me find quality people to ask out on dates?
Where I work there are some single ladies....and those ladies go on dates. They get those dates from the interwebs. Sites like match.com, Okcupid.com, eHarmony.com....all the interweb sites. So I had a starting point. However, because the breakup was still fresh and hurt a bunch...I just made a profile on match and OkCupid and just left them there. Not ready to reach out....not ready for awkward dates with people I just met.
During all this boo-hoo, woe is me stuff my friends acted as an AMAZING support system for me. If I wanted to lay on their couch and just exist while they did their thing.....they let me do it. They did their best to make sure I was out and about doing things and not sitting around wallowing in my own self pity.
Then one weekend....I had dinner with a work friend and her boyfriend where, prior to his arrival she and I got to talk about things and how it had all went down. She basically told me her thoughts on it all and left it at that. Her words were honest and seemed to strike a cord with me. The next day on Saturday I met up with another co-worker, who also was going through a sudden break-up. I spent half of that day laying on her couch and laying on her just watching TV. I still don't know what changed for me that weekend but I know on Monday I had a drive and motivation to BE better. Something about being told the way it was and being lazy with another human made me feel like things could and WOULD get better for me.
So that Monday I decided to really hit the internet dating scene on the ground and running. Which meant making the profiles and filling out the information to 'find love'. I was going to use Match.com....but they thought it a good idea to charge money to see messages from interested parties.....ummmm yea...no thanks. NEXT! OkCupid apparently is where it was gonna have to happen....all free, no need to pay to see messages.
Spent a good bit of time looking at profiles and trying to find women I found attractive and that also seemed to have an interesting personality that matched my own. Several potential matches were found and messages were sent out. A new life was beginning for me....one with internet dates......
JOIN US NEXT TIME AS OUR INTREPID HERO VENTURES OUT INTO THE REAL WORLD TO MEET A REAL GIRL FROM THE REAL INTERNET.....
 |
| Pretty much what the drive felt like Source |
So I am newly returned to FL after leaving only 6 months prior. At this point....I start to get low. Like REALLY low. In my head I'm 33 years old, divorced and have three children to take care of...not exactly the hottest ticket for lots of single females. I'm also stuck dealing with the fact that something that had seemed SOOOOOO sure, turned out to be the exact opposite.
Of course in all this...I'm not trying to say that I made ALL the right choices. I did selfishly decide to quit my job (you know....the REASON I was waiting to go up to MD in the first place,) because it made me so UTTERLY miserable that I would go to work and not eat or drink anything for 12 hours. HORRIBLE. I've never had a job that I have hated THAT much before in my life.
.gif) |
| My general attitude towards that job.... Source |
But I digress...my lack of money and financial contribution was the ultimate reason for the break up. Either that or she had stopped loving me and was talking with her Ex, with whom she is now back in a relationship with despite her insistence that she doesn't do second chances.
I was back from MD....back with heartbreak and sad emotions. The room I'd had before I left for MD was packed to the gills with boxes and stuff that my parents couldn't find a home for. There was LITERALLY a path from the door to the bed. I couldn't even access the dresser or put clothes away.....I was a visitor in my own 'home'.
.gif) |
| I was a sad panda... Source |
Having been the 'victim' of unexpected breakup before, I had already had some experience of the types of thoughts and stuff that was going through my head. But at that time I was 20 and had my whole life ahead of me. This time around I was 33 and had my fair share of 'baggage' and things that made the future seem VERY obsolete to me.
So I sat there and on several occasions contemplated my own existence and recounted the reasons for why I should or should not live on this planet anymore.
So to recap....there was driving, sadness and Dashboard Confessional. Which brings me to an interesting nick name for the next time I feel sad and blue. Jumping ahead a bit....I met a lady. And during the course of talking with her about my breakup I decided to say that the next time I felt REALLY down...I wouldn't use the term depressed. Instead, since Dashboard Confessional was part of my music when I'm super sad post-break up (and because Chris Carrabba is the lead singer of the group.) We would just say I was "eating at Carrabba's" as the term for my sadness.
As I came to terms with my breakup (and by terms I mean that I would have to date again.) I quickly began to feel the anxiety attack build in my chest. I'm 33....I'm OLD! I don't know if I can/want to do the internet dating. I'm also very shy.....I have a hard time going out of my comfort zone with people I don't know. I don't like rejection.....so talking to someone out of the blue is also out of the question.
So where the heck can someone like me find quality people to ask out on dates?
Where I work there are some single ladies....and those ladies go on dates. They get those dates from the interwebs. Sites like match.com, Okcupid.com, eHarmony.com....all the interweb sites. So I had a starting point. However, because the breakup was still fresh and hurt a bunch...I just made a profile on match and OkCupid and just left them there. Not ready to reach out....not ready for awkward dates with people I just met.
.gif) |
| Actual first date footage of myself..... Source |
Then one weekend....I had dinner with a work friend and her boyfriend where, prior to his arrival she and I got to talk about things and how it had all went down. She basically told me her thoughts on it all and left it at that. Her words were honest and seemed to strike a cord with me. The next day on Saturday I met up with another co-worker, who also was going through a sudden break-up. I spent half of that day laying on her couch and laying on her just watching TV. I still don't know what changed for me that weekend but I know on Monday I had a drive and motivation to BE better. Something about being told the way it was and being lazy with another human made me feel like things could and WOULD get better for me.
So that Monday I decided to really hit the internet dating scene on the ground and running. Which meant making the profiles and filling out the information to 'find love'. I was going to use Match.com....but they thought it a good idea to charge money to see messages from interested parties.....ummmm yea...no thanks. NEXT! OkCupid apparently is where it was gonna have to happen....all free, no need to pay to see messages.
Spent a good bit of time looking at profiles and trying to find women I found attractive and that also seemed to have an interesting personality that matched my own. Several potential matches were found and messages were sent out. A new life was beginning for me....one with internet dates......
JOIN US NEXT TIME AS OUR INTREPID HERO VENTURES OUT INTO THE REAL WORLD TO MEET A REAL GIRL FROM THE REAL INTERNET.....
.gif) |
| Oh god.....blind first date.......... Source |
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